I want to make a zoo with you.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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