Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
