he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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