I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
