butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
