I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
