I wanna bring you to show and tell
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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