ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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