i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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