You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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