I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
