Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
