Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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