my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
