she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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