i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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