Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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