it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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