i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
