I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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