you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
