somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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