Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
