I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
