I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
