I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
