yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
cat food counts as protein by the way
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
how drunk are you?
Several
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
