Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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