hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
