He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
