Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
