what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
