I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
