i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
