RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
