k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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