there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Randomize
