I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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