i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
