I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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