I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize