I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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