I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
