Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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