Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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