I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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