remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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