I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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