yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
