This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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