i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
