i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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