I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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