Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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