We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Come share oat with me in your robe
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize