So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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