please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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