I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
