I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
