We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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