Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
