just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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