he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
