All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
