But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
