Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
