You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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