I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize