I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
