Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
