His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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