it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
