The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think I died a long time ago.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
