Life is so much better after having sex.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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