MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
