I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
