i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The adults are the big ones right?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
