suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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